


Past The Prologue

by Ennerida



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Canon divergence (somewhat), F/F, Fix-It, Georgiou Lives, what I wish for season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-26 13:46:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13859013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ennerida/pseuds/Ennerida
Summary: One of the ideas I have for what happens after season 1. Or what I wish would happen.Philippa Georgiou comes back in a most unexpected way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is what I wish would happen after season 1.

Meeting the Enterprise of all ships was unexpected. Were this a novel, the reader might think this encounter a premonition. Change was coming. Something grand was about to happen. Or had already occurred. Regardless, it was a majestic sight, the meeting of two such fine starships in the depths of space. Both ships were or would become nothing short of legendary and in a way, both were aware of this.

Maybe this was the reason that even before the first transmission was received, there was some apprehension among Discovery’s bridge crew. Of course, everyone was aware of the other ship’s existence, it was one among many after all. The Enterprise was one of Starfleet’s flagships and as such, often entrusted with important and often secret assignments. Apart from that, though, it was like any other ship and built for long term missions. It wasn’t uncommon to not see the Enterprise for years at a time as the ship explored unknown regions of deep space. Therefore, it was only natural that Discovery’s crew was somewhat surprised to see her here en route to Vulcan. The encounter was not ordinary in the least. The bridge crew experienced a sense of déjà vu, however, which did not make sense at all. They had never met the Enterprise.

Michaels thoughts immediately raced to Spock, her adopted brother who served as science officer aboard the Enterprise under Captain Pike. They had never gotten along well, always trying to be the better Vulcan. It had cause no little amount of tension in her family when Spock had declined to join the Vulcan Expeditionary Group. For Sarek, Spock’s decision had seemed like a personal affront after he had spent so much work making sure Spock would be accepted. It had damaged the relationship between Sarek and Spock and as far as Michael knew, they had not spoken in years. She attributed the anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach to the unlikely family reunion and perhaps some worry to what had caused the distress signal.

She was pulled back to the present, when Saru, who sat in the captain’s chair, spoke.

“Lieutenant Bryce, Open a channel.” 

The man at the communications console pushed a few buttons and checked a computer screen before answering. “Channel open.”

“This is acting Captain Saru from the USS Discovery. Enterprise, do you copy?”

There was a brief silence before the holo emitter sprang to life, offering the blurred but unmistakable image of Captain Christopher Pike.

“Greetings Captain Saru. Thank you for answering our signal. We weren’t sure when the next ship would pass this area of space. You must apologize the transmission quality. Our communicator relays took some kind of hit a few days ago and haven’t been functioning since. We were only able to get low range communications online earlier today.”

Saru stood up and walked closer to Pike’s holographic image.

“Of course, Captain. We were on our way to Vulcan when we received your distress signal. May I ask what kind of hit you are referring to? And am I right to assume that this incident is the reason you sent out the signal?”

Pike nodded grimly.

“Yes, indeed. I wish I could tell you what it was. Our best guess is some kind of energy anomaly. The problem is that our sensors did not detect it prior to impact, at which point all sensors and weapons systems were damaged. Our communication relays and engines were similarly affected. Communications were offline and our warp drive was only partially available. My chief engineer managed to get us here but unfortunately both, warp and impulse power failed a few hours ago. We were able to partly fix communications and managed to send off the distress signal but all’s still quite a mess. I’m afraid, we need to get to a starbase to get all necessary repairs done.”

“Captain, I can send some of my crew over to help. That way, we can hopefully at least get your impulse power back online.” Captain Pike nodded. “Also, you mentioned that all of this happened some days ago. May I ask where the original incident took place? Starfleet will need to be informed and I am certain they will want to investigate further. Since your subspace communication is not working, I can send the message.”

Pike cleared his throat. He was well aware who he was talking to when he carefully formed his response.

“We were on border patrol near the Klingon empire. Our mission was also to revisit the war’s battle fields to see if there are any parts that can be salvaged. When the energy wave struck, we were just passing the Binary Stars.” 

He watched Saru take a sharp breath in. Even though the battle that had cost them so much had taken place over a year ago, the memories were still fresh. He highly doubted anyone could forget such an event and it proved the strength of Starfleet officers to be able to go on after combat and loss.

“There is more. The energy wave was not the only thing that appeared without warning.” 

Pike stepped aside to reveal another person. The entire bridge crew of the Discovery fell in shock when they realized that the person now being reflected by the blurry holographic emitters was none other than Captain Philippa Georgiou.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind comments :) Made my day!

For all she tried, Michael could not control the pounding of her heart in her chest as she took her seat at the round table of the conference room. She was struggling to keep her exterior calm and collected as she increased the pressure with which she clasped her hands together. She did not even know what to think, what to feel. It seemed like everything was chaos within her. What if? What if this was not the emperor but her captain, her Philippa? What if by some miracle she had not died but had been rescued? What if the story that Admiral Cornwell concocted for Emperor Georgiou’s transformation into Captain Georgiou had become reality? She did not want her thoughts to drift into that direction, the chances that this was her dead friend were extremely slim, but in her heart, she could not stop the one emotion that overshadowed all her reasoning: hope. 

Sarek who sat next to her naturally did not show any kind of emotion. The Vulcan was the epitome of control. Saru had contacted him and asked him to attend this meeting. It was the logical choice, considering that he had known both, Captain and Emperor Georgiou, and was capable to identify her beyond doubt via a mind meld. 

The third person in the room was, of course, Saru. As acting Captain of the Discovery, it was his responsibility to resolve this situation and ensure the safety of his ship, and also of Starfleet. He was nervous but his ganglia had not reacted, which equally confused and calmed him. Still, he had asked two security officers to escort Captain Georgiou from the transporter room. After all they’d been through in the recent months, they could not be too careful. The Emperor had been granted freedom after all. Who knew if this was not part of a new scheme?

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, Philippa Georgiou materialized in the transporter room. She could not help but feel that she had landed in yet another universe. She’d expected Saru and Burnham to greet her, instead she found herself face to face with two armed security officers who had their phasers already in their hands.

‘I need to stop using transporters.’ She thought to herself as she stepped off the platform and waited for the officers to make their move.

“Captain Georgiou, welcome aboard the Discovery. We are to escort you to the conference room.”

The taller officer who had spoken seemed friendly enough. He was human, strongly built, kept his facial expression neutral but the phaser in his hand identified her as a potentially dangerous. She was not sure though, whether he actually felt threatened or just held it to stress his authority. She decided it didn’t matter. 

The atmosphere in the room was so much different from the Enterprise when she had first materialized on their bridge. The initial reactions had been similar, of course, but Spock had quickly identified her and from then on, she had been received warmly. It had been a shock nevertheless. She was supposed to transport to T’Kuvma’s ship with Burnham but had apparently jumped more than a year into the future. If this was a parallel universe or not, had not been decided yet. She had since read all official records and had numerous discussions with Spock and Pike and was acutely aware that in this timeline, she was not supposed to have survived her latest mission. She had learned of the war and they’d almost lost it. She also learned how it ended. She had read about Burnham’s plan and how she had executed it with only two others. Michael. The records had been more than a little vague about her. There had hardly been any information about her before the end of the war. She knew that Michael had served aboard the Discovery but that was practically all there had been. Philippa was sure that information was missing. Why, however, she couldn’t fathom.

Yet, before the binary stars, history was entirely accurate. Everything was exactly as it should be. So what now?

* * * * * *

They arrived at the conference room and the same officer who had greeted her in the transporter room earlier opened the doors and stepped inside. She followed suit with the second officer on her tail. Philippa took a moment to appreciate the elegance of the room with the round table in its middle. The Shenzhou’s furniture was over ten years old and though she loved it dearly, she had to admit that it never even remotely resembled this. 

Her eyes then fell on Saru, Sarek, and Michael who were seated at the table with rather serious expressions on their faces. Well, actually that only rang true for Saru as Sarek and Michael showed only Vulcan serenity. Again, she wondered if this was the same universe and time as had been on the Enterprise. 

“Captain Georgiou, Sir.” The security officer announced their arrival. At this, Saru stood up and came a few steps closer until he stood in front of them.

“Thank you, Lieutenant Henson. Please wait outside.”

The security officer nodded and left the room with his colleague, leaving her alone with three people she had called friends but who right now seemed so different. The warmth she usually felt when with them was completely lacking and seemed to have been replaced by an air of mistrust. Philippa felt anxious and apprehensive not knowing what was to come but kept the calm exterior she had practiced countless times as captain. As she waited for Saru to speak, she couldn’t have known that her emotional state was mirrored by those in the room with her. Surprisingly, Saru’s voice carried a great deal of unexpected friendliness when he spoke.

“Captain Georgiou, welcome aboard the USS Discovery. I would like to apologize for your welcome which most likely did not meet your expectations. The security measures are unfortunately necessary until we have verified your identity. Please - have a seat.”

Saru indicated for her to sit on one of the chairs at the table facing them. Philippa stopped short before she sat down, her bewilderment clearly evident on her face. 

“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand. Captain Pike and Lieutenant Spock have already confirmed that I am who I say I am. As I have explained to them, I do not know how I ended up on the Enterprise. Commander Burnham and I were being transported to the Klingon vessel we had engaged at the binary stars. We had planned to take T’Kuvma prisoner. However, when I rematerialized, I did not find myself aboard the Klingon ship but instead on the bridge of the Enterprise. I have no explanation for the redirection of my transporter beam, especially since I apparently also jumped more that one year into the future.”

Saru regarded her with a mix of astonishment and disbelief from his seat. Philippa realized the odd twist having to explain herself to her former science officer. Command suited Saru, she realized. She’d always known that he was a brilliant officer but had also wanted to protect him from the pressures of command positions longer that she maybe should have. Seeing him now as the acting captain of a such a great starship, she also noticed how much he had changed. His entire demeanour spoke of a confidence and authority she had not seen on him before.

“It sounds to me that we need to consider the involvement of a parallel universe.”

Saru expressed his first guess and Philippa nodded albeit surprised at the mention. Parallel universes were not exactly scientific fact or even well researched. Mostly, there were theories about their existence but travel in between was generally seen as highly unlikely. Therefore, it was usually not the first idea that sprang to mind when forming speculations. 

“That was my guess, too. To me, it was the only thing that made sense. However, after hearing about my history and experiences, Spock believes my appearance to be a time paradox. You see, up until the transporter incident, the past that I know is exactly what happened here. I studied the official reports and logs. Even my personal logs are the same. Spock therefore believed that I somehow got transported into the future without changing history as it occurred here. I seem to have escaped my own death.”

There was a moment of silence as they digested what they had heard. The tale sounded almost too good to be true. Saru could not sense any threat from the woman in front of him and was inclined to believe that this was truly his former captain. Still, recent events had taught him to be careful and if he had learned anything at all about the Emperor, it was that she was cunning and it certainly was not a problem for her to pretend to be Captain Georgiou again. Though he had no clue how she could have ended up on the Enterprise – and fooled Spock nonetheless – he was well aware that she had knowledge of Starfleet’s records. And knowledge was power.

“That is indeed a fascinating story, Captain.” 

Saru observed her. His ganglia were still inactive and the sheer possibility that what he heard was the truth now also excited him. What were the odds that he sat across from his former captain, the woman who had died at the hands of the Klingons so many months ago?

“I do not believe that you are lying. However, especially considering recent events, I also believe it would be foolish of me to simply accept your words without proof. Since you revealed that you have studied both, official records and your personal log, asking you to tell us any information that would have been off the records will not be sufficiently conclusive.”

Saru turned to look at Sarek with a questioning glance. The latter took this as his cue to speak.

“Captain Georgiou, if you agree, I can easily verify your account by performing a simple mind-meld. I do believe that this would be the most efficient way to resolve this situation.”

Philippa knew, of course, the reasoning behind this and might have acted the same way. Yet, she was also experiencing no little amount of frustration at her obvious disadvantage of knowledge.

“Of course, Ambassador. I just wish that one of you would tell me what happened that renders such mistrust necessary.”

She looked at each one of them individually for a moment, her gaze lingering on Michael who had been dreadfully quiet until now. The younger woman sat with all Vulcan composure but the white knuckles of her clasped hands on the table easily exposed to Philippa how nervous she was. It wasn’t just nervosity either, Philippa noticed as she studied her friend, there was a whole fire of emotions burning underneath the surface. She had felt Michael’s eyes on her while he talked to Saru but not the woman would not meet her gaze, focusing instead on the table in front of her.

Eventually, Sarek got up and walked around the table to stand in front of her. She closed her eyes as his fingers expertly touched her face.

“My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had several ideas how this story could go on. This is just one, and, to be honest, a short one in general, mostly because patience is not a virtue I possess (I just want to see Philippa alive and well and the two of them reunited). I should also mention that I did not rewatch any episodes or did any extensive research on TOS oder Disco, so I guess the work is probably somewhat AU/ non-canon.
> 
> By the way, if anyone wants to take the first chapter and develop their own version, please feel free to do so :)


	3. chapter 3

Michael tried hard not to feel. She knew the most rational explanation for all of this was that the Emperor had somehow found a way to get aboard the Enterprise. She had been set free after all (as foolish as that may have been). However, she could not deny that the sight of Philippa had again rekindled whatever hope she had. She could deny even less that the way the Emperor had held herself, from her body language to the look in her eyes, had been different. More rigid, colder, dangerous. When she regarded the woman, who sat across from her at the conference table, she could not help but see “her” Philippa. The hope she felt was unwarranted, of course. Even if this Philippa was the one she had known and not someone from another alternate universe, there was no way she could rebuild their friendship. Not after what she had done. She had betrayed her and would never in her life forget the look in Philippa’s yes when she stepped onto the bridge with a phaser in her hand. A phaser directed at her. She would never forget the pain and hurt in her eyes. And she would never forget that she was responsible for her death, never forget the moment that Klingon blade pierced her chest, that moment when time stopped still.

The guilt and shame she felt over her actions came back to her with such force that it almost made her audibly gasp. Exactly in that moment, Sarek stood up, straightened his back and faced Saru and herself, nodding his confirmation.

“The woman sitting here is in fact Captain Philippa Georgiou. She is the same woman as the one who died on the Klingon vessel. She told the truth; her account reflects her experiences exactly.”

Saru was the first to move when he released the breath he did not know he was holding. His eyes twinkled with relief and happiness. And how could they not? His instincts had proven right and a part of the universe was corrected by returning Philippa Georgiou to them alive and well. He smiled warmly as he got up and crossed the room.

“Captain Georgiou, it makes me happy to have the confirmation that you have returned. You have been missed dearly.” Philippa smiled back at him. “Please allow me to apologize again for the most unbecoming welcome aboard this ship. I hope to be able to explain the reasons behind it soon.”

Philippa nodded, feeling relief at the prospect of finally receiving information.

“That would be most appreciated. It’s good to see you.” She turned to Michael and added in a much softer tone. “All of you.”

The softly uttered words bared more meaning and there was the briefest of moments where Michael and Philippa forgot the presence of the others, forgot time and space, because it was only them. Yet, before Michael could even start to analyse what happened and think of something to say, Saru’s voice brought them back.

“We must inform Starfleet of the situation and then I hope we can provide you with the full picture of what has occurred in the past months. Captain, would you please accompany me to the ready room?”

As Philippa turned to Saru, the moment was altogether broken and she bore the professional mask of the captain.

“Of course. Please lead the way.”

* * * * * *

As Saru led Philippa and Sarek to the ready room to contact Starfleet, Michael stayed behind. She briefly wondered why they had not contacted Starfleet from here. The holo emitters were as good as any. Maybe Saru felt more comfortable in the ready room. Michael did not particularly want to discuss the past year at this moment, but more importantly, she needed time to get her emotions under control. Since her shift was already over, she headed to her quarters and was glad for the privacy they offered. Sharing with Tilly had had its upsides – they had formed a lasting friendship and she liked the ambitious woman immensely. Right now, however, she did not want to talk to her friend she wanted to regain control. Guilt, shame, relief, fear, and love among others were fighting for dominance within herself. The heartbreak she had suffered when Philippa was stabbed in front of her own eyes and that had left he heart shattered in tiny pieces that she still had not put together again, had hit her once more when she first laid eyes on Philippa in the conference room. And it had been no less devastating. Though the Emperor’s presence in this same quadrant had been on her mind, upon further reflection she realized that her heart had recognized her captain immediately. Her mind had called for reason and tried to point out the sheer improbability if not impossibility of the situation, but her heart had already been out there.

Three hours later, she was no closer to calmness. Her meditation techniques had completely failed her and instead she had been pacing the room for the most part. Now, she stood at the window trying to figure out a course of action. Should she talk to her? Would Philippa even want to talk to her or even see her again after all that had happened? Or should she wait for her to make a move? Usually the view of the stars helped her to sort her thoughts, but today she turned the questions over and over in her mind and the stars just seemed to multiply her insecurity. It was all out of character but then again, the entire situation was not exactly ordinary.

The sound of the door chime startled her. She did not expect any visitors. Opening the doors, she was surprised to be faced with her foster father.

“Sarek, greetings. I did not expect to see you.” She stepped aside to allow him to enter.

As Sarek passed her, he acknowledged her with a nod of his head.

“I came to inform you of the meeting with Starfleet command.”

Michael struggled but kept a collected appearance. She knew that her foster father did not have to share this information with her, especially not when it had been her decision not to attend the meeting in the first place. No, Sarek used this also as an excuse to check up on her, she realized and the act of kindness from the otherwise rather stoic Vulcan almost brought tears to her eyes.

“Thank you.” Her words and the look in her eyes left no doubt that she did not just thank him for his offer of information. “I trust that you were able to convince Starfleet of the captain’s identity?”

“Indeed. We relayed a full account of events to the admirals. I explained the mind-meld I performed as well as its conclusion and that I have come to agree with the assessment that Captain Georgiou’s appearance is part of a time paradox. She is undeniably the same woman that died on the Klingon ship.”

It was a simple statement but to Michael it felt like a revelation, as if she had heard it for the first time for her mind finally caught up and allowed the information to settle.

“Admiral Cornwell was given a full report on the incident on the Enterprise and proceeded to offer the captain an abbreviated report of the proceeding and end of the war including Discovery’s time in the mirror universe.”

Michael nodded. “Does that mean Captain Georgiou was granted access to the restricted files?”

“Yes, precisely. She was given full security clearance and has received a copy of all reports. I believe by now she will already have read the most important ones. It was the logical decision to grant her access considering the Emperor is also present in this universe.”

Michael had expected no less. It would certainly have been foolish not to inform Captain Georgiou of her counterpart and knowing the Captain, she guessed that she would not have been satisfied with only half the story.

“Of course, it was the right decision.”

If Sarek was confounded by her taciturnity, he made no sign of it. He turned to leave but halted. When he addressed her again, his demeanour softened ever so slightly.

“Michael, although I have advised you about this in the recent past, I do think it appropriate to remind you of my words. You are human and emotions rarely follow the paths of logic. While we should not let emotions control us completely, as a human being, you should listen to them and allow them to guide you, counsel you. Above all, do not be afraid of your emotions for they are a part of you. Michael, do not be afraid to love.”

Before he left, Sarek looked at her with paternal affection, a look easily missed by any non-Vulcan bystander but Michael had learned to distinguish the minor variations of Vulcan mimic. Sarek had always been perceptive and had often guided her successfully through emotional crises. The kind gesture touched her deeply and left a warm feeling in her heart as she resumed her place at the window. 

She was no closer to an answer. In fact, the confirmation that Philippa now had knowledge of all that had occurred, of her actions, of the war, the lives lost, how she saved the Emperor, and how that had almost ended in genocide did not make it any easier. She was sure that information about her court-martial and how she ended up on the Discovery in the first place had also been revealed to her. How could she ever face her?

She involuntarily looked at the case that contained Philippa’s telescope. She had not had the heart to assemble it but neither could she hide the case in a closet. It was a reminder as well as a painful memory. It still seemed wrong for her to have it. 

‘I never apologized.’ Michael had always regretted that Philippa had died without an apology from her, an apology for her curiosity, for disobeying an order, for engaging the Klingons, for betraying her, for her mutiny, for failing her. She owed her former Captain and friend at least that.

The choice was made.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again for all the lovely reviews <3
> 
> Parts of this chapter are heavily inspired by nomisunrider's "Across The Stars". Thank you for writing such a perfect story. I usually don't like to copy but I found that I could not write it any differently. Maybe that's also due to the fact that I read hers about 1000 times by now. Hope you can forgive that...

Michael grabbed the telescope and headed out the door. Only when she looked up where Philippa was accommodated did she realize how much time had passed and briefly wondered whether she should postpone her visit until the following morning. On the other hand, she did not want to give herself a chance to overthink this any more than she already had. Waiting several hours more was not an option. Besides, it was in her nature to face problems directly and without unnecessary delay – well, at least most of the time.

Standing outside Philippa’s quarters, she pressed the door chime automatically as she’d done so many times in the past on the Shenzhou. She did not have to wait long.

Time seemed to slow down as the doors slid open and revealed Philippa Georgiou. Michael couldn’t help but feeling afloat somehow as she stood facing her in stunned silence. As if she was dreaming. It all seemed surreal. No, she was sure that she was dreaming. She resisted the urge to pinch herself. 

Philippa looked exactly as she remembered her, she even wore the same comfortable dark yoga pants combined with the azure shirt that she remembered all too well. Her hair was cascading around her shoulders. Her lips formed a kind smile and her eyes held a multitude of emotions, yet the first this Michael perceived was the warmth in them. The warmth that enveloped Philippa’s entire being and that Michael never once saw in the Emperor’s cold stares. Her eyes involuntarily glistened.

Hours could have passed as they just stood at the door and neither of them would have noticed or cared. Actually, it was only a few seconds before Michael was able to break the silence.

“Captain, I’m sorry for disturbing you. I am aware that it is late and I can come back in the morning if you preferred.”

Philippa laughed softly while shaking her head.

“Oh Michael, don’t be silly. You know as well as I do that we both have a habit of staying up late. Do come in.” Her tone grew more serious. “I believe we have a lot to talk about.”

Michael tried not to show her agitation as she stepped inside. She was hit with a sense of déjà vu as she realized that the layout of Philippa’s quarters was exactly like the Emperor’s only weeks before. It visibly shook her. Of course, she should have expected this. There was a standard for guest quarters aboard any federation vessel and the Discovery was no different. 

Philippa gestured for her to sit on the sofa while she went to the replicator to order tea for both of them. Michael studied her as she sat down; the way her hair moved as she walked, the grace with which she held the steaming teacups, her tender smile as she offered one to Michael and took a seat on the other end of the sofa. Michael recognized the tea’s fragrance instantly. Although replicated, the blend was undoubtedly Malaysian and memories flooded back to Michael. She’d lost count of the number of evenings she had spent in Philippa’s quarters, sipping tea, sometimes engaged in intimate conversations, sometimes engaged in a game of chess, but always treasuring their friendship. She remembered when Philippa has introduced her to her home town and the traditional art of making teh tarik. They’d spent hours walking through town while Philippa had pointed out all of her favourite spots.

She placed the teacup on the table in front of her and took a stuttering breath in, pushing the memories aside and trying to locate her courage. She spoke before she could second guess herself any further.

“Captain…” Michael raised her eyes from the steaming cup to look at her former captain and friend.

“Philippa.” Her voice dropped to no more than a whisper. The words suddenly seemed so incredibly hard to say. How many times had she imagined to get to this chance? How many times had she practiced what she would say? Yet, now that she was here, the words seemed stuck in her throat.

“I am sorry. I am so sorry. I should have told you before and I have regretted the fact that I didn’t every day. I should have listened to you. I disobeyed you when I should have heeded your orders. I attacked you, I betrayed you. I am responsible for your death. I failed you. Words do not seem sufficient to express how sorry I am for all of this.” Tears were now falling freely from her eyes as all the pain she had suffered resurfaced. “You did not deserve any of this. It should have been me who died, not you.”

The last words were barely audible. Still, she was glad to finally have gotten them out. Michael again looked at the teacup, she was not able to hold Philippa’s gaze. In the corner of her eye, she saw Philippa silently shaking her head. She continued before the older woman could respond. Michael needed to get this out.

“The seven years I spent serving in Starfleet under your command have been the happiest of my life. Thank you for giving me the chance, for showing me what it means to be human, for teaching me to trust my instincts, for inspiring me to try out new things, for your friendship, which always meant more to me than I could ever say…” By now, her voice was trembling. She hesitated, unsure whether she should continue. The feeling of finally being able to say the words she had had stored in her heart for more than a year was overwhelming. 

“…for showing me what it means to love.”

Love. If anything, the feeling was now stronger than ever and Michael visibly struggled to keep steady. She could not afford to break down right now, not when this might be the last conversation she would have with Philippa.

Next to her, Philippa took a shaky breath. Michael heard this but she still did not dare to look at her. Instead, she picked up the telescope case she had placed on the floor next to her.

“I have brought something for you.” She gently opened the case. “It is actually yours. You left your telescope to me in your will and now that you have returned, I would like to give it back.” Her hand gently touched its body though it was the most delicate possession.

“It made me incredibly proud and sad when I received it. I never thought I deserved it. When I heard you say that you cared for me like a daughter, I…I never felt about you that way.”

The silence is deafening as neither woman spoke. Michael finally closed the case and handed it to Philippa. She did not wait for a reaction before she got up.

“I’ll understand if you after all I did you would not want to see or talk to me again. Yet, I am thankful that I was finally able to tell you what I have been wanting to tell you for so very long.”

Michael turned to leave but had barely taken a handful of steps toward the door when Philippa’s voice stopped her.

“Where do you think you’re going?”


	5. Chapter 5

Philippa had not been prepared for this. Actually, she had not known what to expect from the first informal meeting with her former first officer, her friend, the woman she…it was the first time she saw her in, well, for Philippa it had been little over a week since the battle of the binary stars- for Michael it had been over a year. Katrina Cornwell had told her what had happened during that time, the official part but also the unofficial details. It had shocked her to hear about the mirror universe, her counterpart, and what had occurred not only in that universe but subsequently also in hers. What Starfleet almost had done. War certainly changed people. Katrina Cornwell herself had been so very different, that Philippa had had trouble recognizing her. Yes, war definitely changed people. She could not help but wonder what would have become of herself had she survived that first encounter with the Klingons and lived to see the end of it. The rules she had lived by had been written for times of peace and though she had had her fair share of battle experiences, learning about events in the past year left her only too aware that she had been too slow to recognize that the situation at the binary stars was anything but a diplomatic mission. She had locked the soldier within herself away, which was less than ideal in potential battle situation. Yes, she had been lulled by the sense of security ongoing peace had spread.

When she heard what Michael had endured after her death in this universe, she had felt her heart go out to the younger woman. Until now, she could only imagine what mistrust and constant suspicion combined with serving under a captain that originated from another, more brutal universe would do to her former protégée. Now, she could clearly see the scars the year had left. Still, she had felt a deep sense of pride upon reading and hearing how Michael’s actions had ended the war. The feeling was multiplied tenfold when she learnt what Michael had been up against and what the original plan had entailed.

Even though, technically it had only been a week, the battle seemed far away now.

“Michael, please come back, sit. Don’t you agree I should at least be given the chance to speak?”

She watched Michael exhale and slowly make her way back to the sofa. She knew her well enough to identify the anxiety and fear underneath the Vulcan façade. It saddened her that their friendship had come to this, particularly after she had been finally ready to admit her feelings right before that tragic battle.

“Michael, you have nothing to apologize for.” She watched the astonishment on Michael’s face as the younger woman shook her head. “I know I should have listened to your counsel. I should have had more faith in you. I comprehended that as soon as the Klingon ship launched their attack. Michael, Katrina Cornwell informed me about what happened during the past year. I already read the official reports during my stay on the Enterprise, I learned about the Klingons. I should have seen this from the beginning but the diplomat in me chose to remain blind. You were right, when you suggested that we would not get far with diplomacy in that situation. Yes, I understand why you acted the way you did. You did what you had to to save us. I forgave you.”

Michael’s eyes widened in honest bafflement. Philippa’s voice held an urgency that left no doubt that she meant what she said. She wanted Michael to understand this. When she continued, however, her tone was softer, reliving one of the most painful moments in her life.

“I forgave you the moment that cursed Klingon ship destroyed the brig. Michael, I thought you had died. Died because of my decision nonetheless. I thought I had lost you.” Her voice was barely audible. “I don’t think I ever experienced fear as I did then. There are things much more important than the chain of command or apparent betrayal. Your life, Michael, is far more important. Though I did not fully understand this until I had time to think this through after I had transported here.”

Philippa reached out to take one of Michael’s hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“But in my heart, I forgave you in that instant. It was a miracle when you appeared on the bridge afterwards.” She let go of Michael’s hand and took a deep breath to steady herself. “As I said, you have nothing to apologize for. In fact, I could not be any prouder of you. I read what you did on the Discovery, how you almost single-handedly ended the war. You are quite a hero.”

Philippa took a moment to study the woman next to her. Disbelief was still clearly evident on her face. It’s an expression Philippa had rarely seen. She considered their situation and Philippa could not help but wonder why she had wasted so much time. Her eyes fell on the telescope that lay in between them and remembered with a pang of guilt and regret that she had been meaning to update her will. She had always thought that she’d have more time. In retrospect, that was one of the main reasons Michael’s mutiny that day had hurt so much. It had been the same day she had finally made up her mind. She had wanted to see Michael through captaincy and then start a relationship with her, tell her how she felt. The mutiny had cut through that and Starfleet’s protocols were a lot more rigid on mutineers than they were on romantic involvements.

Her hand brushed over the case. “Thank you for keeping my telescope safe. It means a lot to me.” She hesitated a moment. “You know, I had been meaning to update my will.” 

Michael raised an eyebrow at that, patiently waiting for Philippa to continue.

“The words you heard, I recorded them years ago. Before we…well, before I realized that…Michael, I love you.”

Michael’s mind blanked. The declaration out of Philippa’s mouth was so tender, so full of emotion, that Michael’s mind and heart seemed to be unable to grasp it. Not after this day. Never in her life would she have anticipated this. She was unable to move as Philippa continued.

“I should have told you before. I always thought we’d have more time. The day we beamed down into the desert I was finally ready to admit my feelings. I never thought the day would end like it did.”

Philippa was unable to say another word for Michael’s heart and mind decided right then that it did not need to understand, feeling was enough. To hell with logic and all that had kept them apart for too long. Her heart took over and her consciousness only registered what happened when the feeling of Philippa’s lips on her own engulfed her entire being. The kiss was eagerly returned and conveyed all the memories, pain, and love that both of them carried inside. Suddenly, the universe was reconciled. It was set straight. It was right. And it couldn’t be any more perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is as far as I've written it. If I find the time, I may write a sequel (because there's obviously lots of fluff missing ;)).
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Please read nomisunrider's "Across The Stars" which is perfection and inspiration and I live in that story more than in the show by now. Also, though not explicitly mentioned yet, I always imagine my characters to have experienced what hers have up until the battle of the binary stars. I love her background story. Okay. Just read it please.


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